THE HANDSTAND

july 2005

Latest news from the Center for Disease Control:

Bob Geldof and Bono got it......
New Disease

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behaviour.

The disease is called Gonorrhoea Lectim .

Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease.

Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhoea Lectim include, but are not limited to:

Antisocial personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinctive messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to except responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behaviour.

The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago in a Texas Bush.

Are you "gonna re-elect him"?

From: M El-Khairy