..TALLTALES
 Magician Makes Water Rise
A magician
working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean allowed himself
to do the same tricks over and over again because he knew
the audience would be different each week.
There was only one
problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows every week
and began to understand what the magician did in every
trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in
the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same
hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the
table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of
Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do
anything about it. After all it was the captain's parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician
found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the
ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They
stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word.
This went on for several days. After a week the parrot
finally said, “Okay I give up. What did you do with
the boat?”
.THE BEST DRINKING
STORY EVER
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local
neighborhood bar. Late in the evening the officer noticed
a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely
walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few
minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five
different vehicles the man managed to find his own car
which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a
number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and
off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on
and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the
lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,
reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few
more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At
last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to
drive slowly down the street.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this
time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing
lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a
breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer
indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol
at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll
have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station.
This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm
the designated decoy."
Kath
And Kim
By Goldie Bear
reader PA … not PC
If you fit the
following description there's a good chance either you
live in Carringbush or your names are Kath, Kim, Kylie,
Shane or Randall.
If the Halloween
pumpkin has more teeth than your wife. If you let your
twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table, even
in front of her kids. If you've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws. If Jack Daniels makes
your list of most admired people. If you wonder how
servicestations keep their restrooms so clean. If someone
in your family once died right after saying, Hey watch
this! If you think Dom Perignon is a Mafia Boss. If a
ceiling-fan once ruined your wife's hairdo. If you think
the last words of Advance Australia Fair are Carn Da
Woods. If you lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded, right off its wheels. If the market value of
your car goes up and down depending on how much petrol is
in it. If you have to go outside to get something from
the fridge. If one of your kids was born on a pool table.
If you can't get married to your sweetheart because
there's a law against it. If you think loaded dishwasher
means your wife is drunk. If your toilet paper has page
numbers on it. If your front verandah collapses and kills
more than five dogs. If you have more than two pairs of
ug boots for ‘going out.’ If you consider
winning $5 at the TAB to be a good day’s work. If
you get Deliverance and This Is Your Life mixed up. If
you think “Nice mullet, mate!” is a compliment.
Pete’s Palaver: No ‘Kaths’ n
‘Kims’ among our readers - no pics.
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which
country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get
cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the
October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made
of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after
what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8)
What color is a purple finch? >9) Where are Chinese
gooseberries from? 10) What is the color of the black box
in a commercial airplane? All done? Check your answers
below!
ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ 1) *116 years 2) *Ecuador 3) *Sheep
and Horses 4) *November
5) *Squirrel fur 6) *Dogs 7) *Albert 8) *Crimson 9) *New
Zealand 10) *Orange, of course. >What do you mean you
failed? >Pass this on to some other brilliant friends.
>
Israelis
Didn't Notice "Letter by Hitler"!
A few days ago, when [Israeli
Newspaper] Maariv was engaged in a ferocious witch-hunt
of the Air Force pilots refusing to fly assassination
missions, a long article appeared in one of the newspaper
supplements. Ostensibly condemning the pilots, an unknown
patriot wrote: “We fight for defense and existence
of our people, for livelihood of our children, for
freedom and independence of Our Forefathers’ Land.
" .... The article attracted very little attention,
for it was an exact match to the rest of the write-up
produced by Messrs Dankner and Barnea.
Only a few days later, a sharp-eyed retiree paid notice
to the by-line: The article in question was signed A.
Schickelgruber, a real-life name of Adolf Hitler, and
every single sentence was taken from Hitler’s
speeches and books. This new posthumous career of the
Nazi leader as a Zionist columnist served a sterling
proof of advanced Nazification of Israeli society. The
Zionist sympathizers affect their indignation whenever
their black deeds are compared with those of Nazis, but
publication of Hitler’s article and following lack
of response by the Israeli public staged a convincing
experiment: The Israeli discourse fully inverted and
appropriated the Nazi propaganda.
Source: ArabNews
Thanks Tony !!!
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