TALL TALES.....
Welcome
Aboard The Iraq Gravy Train
Congratulations
to all the winners of tickets to take part in the
greatest rebuilding show on earth...
By
Terry Jones
The Observer - UK
4-13-3
- Well, the
war has been a huge success, and I guess it's
time for congratulations all round.
-
- First, I'd
like to congratulate Kellogg Brown & Root
(KBR) and the Bechtel Corporation, which are the
construction companies most likely to benefit
from the reconstruction of Iraq. Contracts in the
region of $1 billion should soon coming your way,
chaps. Well done! And what with the US dropping
15,000 precision-guided munitions, 7,500 unguided
bombs and 750 cruise missiles on Iraq so far and
with more to come, there's going to be a lot of
reconstruction. It looks like it could be a
bonanza year.
-
- Of course,
we all know that KBR is the construction side of
Halliburton, and it has been doing big business
with the military ever since the Second World
War. Most recently, it got the plum job of
constructing the prison compound for terrorists
suspects at Guantanamo Bay. Could be a whole lot
more deluxe chicken coops coming your way in the
next few months, guys. Stick it to 'em.
-
- I'd also
like to add congratulations to Dick Cheney, who
was chief executive of Halliburton from 1995 to
2000, and who currently receives a cheque for $1
million a year from his old company. I guess he
may find there's a little surprise bonus in there
this year. Well done, Dick.
-
- Oh, before
I forget, a big round of appreciation for Jack
Sheehan, a retired general who sits on the
Defence Policy Board which advises the Pentagon.
He's a senior vice president at Bechtel and one
of the many members of the Defence Policy Board
with links to companies that make money out of
defence contracts. When I say 'make money' I'm
not joking. Their companies have benefited to the
tune of $76bn just in the last year. Talk about a
gravy train. Well, Jack, you and your colleagues
can certainly look forward to a warm and joyous
Christmas this year.
-
- It's been
estimated that rebuilding Iraq could cost
anything from $25bn to $100bn and the great thing
is that the Iraqis will be paying for it
themselves out of their future oil revenues.
"We're going to use the assets of the people
of Iraq, especially their oil assets, to benefit
their people,' said Secretary of State Colin
Powell, and he looked really sincere. Yessir.
-
-
- But every
celebration has its serious side, and I should
like to convey my condolences to all those who
have suffered so grievously in this war.
Particularly American Airlines, Qantas and Air
Canada, and all other travel companies which have
seen their customers dwindle, as fear of
terrorist reprisals for what the US and Britain
have done in Iraq begins to bite.
-
- My
condolences also to all those British companies
which have been disappointed in their bid to
share in the bonanza that all this wonderful
high-tech military firepower has created. I know
it must be frustrating and disheartening for many
of you, especially in the medical field, knowing
there are all those severed limbs, all that burnt
flesh, all those smashed skulls, broken bones,
punctured spleens, ripped faces and mangled
children just crying out for your products.You
could be making a fortune out of the drugs,
serums and surgical hardware, and yet you have to
stand on the sidelines and watch as US drug
companies make a killing.
-
- But all of
us here in Britain, as well as in America,
shouldn't lose heart. Once the Arab world starts
to take its revenge, there should be enough
reconstruction to do at home to keep business
thriving for some years to come.
The Observer - UK/4-13-3
The
UN General Assembly adopted by a vote of 154 to 4
( Israel, US, UK and Micronesia) a resolution to
set up a new inspection team with jurisdiction
over all the museums of the United States, Israel
and the UK to search for and retrieve stolen
Iraqi historical treasures and artifacts.
The Chief inspector Hans Blix is to report his
findings to the security council within three
months and is to have unfettered access to the
museums, the auction houses and the basements of
the White House and the Pentagon, as well as the
ranch of Ariel Sharon in the Negev.
When asked to comment, the White House spokesman
said that since the Iraqis had masterminded and
carried out the 11/9 attacks, the US had every
right under the 1441 Security Council Resolution
to confiscate any treasure that its occupying
forces came upon while liberating Iraq. However,
he noted that he was unaware that any such
treasures had been looted and suggested that
Saddam may have taken them with him into hiding.
Bush, in a speech at a dinner organized by AIPAC
in his honor, said that Franklin Graham in his
morning prayer session at the White House thanked
God that the treasures are no more under the
control of the Moslems, and that Graham suggested
to him that if any of these treasures turn up in
the US, they could be returned to Iraq only when
the Iraqi population agrees to be baptized and
join the Evangelical church.
When interviewed, Sharon suggested that the
treasures may have been looted by agents of
Arafat in Iraq who will use the proceeds from
their sale to finance terrorism in Israel, and it
is his duty to confiscate as many as he could lay
his hands on.
Tony Blair, on vacation on the Golan Heights
(financed by Michael Levy, his personal advisor
on the Middle East) could not be reached for
comment.
Last
month, a worldwide survey was conducted by the
UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion
about solutions to the food shortage in the rest
of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food"
meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what
"honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what
"shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what
"opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what
"solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what
"please" meant.
And in the US Government they didn't know what
"the rest of the world"
meant.
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