MARCH 2004

Why Men Are Just Happier People...

Your last name stays put. 
The garage is all yours. 
Wedding plans take care of themselves. 
Chocolate is just another snack.  
You can never be pregnant. 
You can wear a white T-shirt to a lido. 
You can wear NO T-shirt to a lido. 
Car mechanics tell you the truth. ?????***
The world is your urinal. 
You never have to drive to another gas station W.C. because this one is "just too icky". 
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 
Same work, more pay. 
Wrinkles add character. 
Wedding dress £2,000+. Morning suit rental -- £100. 
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. 
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 
One mood -- all the time. 
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 
You know stuff about tanks. 
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. 
You can open all your own jars. 
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. 
Your underwear is £6.00 for a three-pack. 
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 
You almost never have strap problems in public. 
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. 
Everything on your face stays its original color. 
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 
You only have to shave your face and neck. 
You can play with toys all your life. 
Your belly usually hides your big hips. 
One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. 
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. 
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. 
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45 minutes.  

***The mechanics are non sexist they lie equally to men and women if they can get away with it

..........MARS BARS

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I found something funny on the internet, which I heard on German television:

www.whitehouse.gov is the official White House web site

www.whitehouse.com is a porn site

www.whitehouse.org is a parody site criticising Bush and his cronies.

HA HA! They can't even keep control of the white house suite of domain names.

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HUMOR IN A JOCULAR VEIN
(with a tip of the hat to MAD Magazine)

This is a poem made up entirely of actual quotes from George W.Bush. The quotes have been arranged for aesthetic purposes only,by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson.

"MAKE THE PIE HIGHER"
by George W. Bush

"I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty,
and potential mental losses.

"Rarely is the question asked,
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet become more few?

"How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.

"I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
Where our wings take dream.

"Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!"