 ..TALL TALES............
WHAT I LEARNED
GROWING UP IN AMERICA ...
From http://www.dawnpisturino.com/committee_for_direct_democracy.htm:
1. ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE!
2. ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE!
3. ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE!
4. Money is more important than people.
5. Objects are more important than people.
6. Business profits are more important than human needs.
7. Money buys power and political clout.
8. Politicians are liars, cowards, and cheats.
9. The Christian religion loves money more than people.
10. White Christian culture is the only "right"
culture.
11. White males are more important than women and
children of any
race.
12. Poverty is a crime. Welfare was invented by poor
people.
13. American soldiers must die in wars to protect
corporate profits.
14. Image is more important than substance.
15. Illusion is more important than reality.
16. Democracy is a sham.
Dawn Pisturino
Operation Enduring
Freedom - the Sequel,
Excerpt
By Mark Steel
www.indepedent.co.uk
19 June 2003
Tediously and inevitably, each day a senior American
makes a statement about how dreadful the Iranians are,
and the whole process we've just been through appears to
have started all over again. The Americans are like a
posh couple who've just moved into somewhere new. Having
bought up Afghanistan and Iraq, they're thinking,
"Why don't we knock through into the next bit and
make it all into one? We'll have so much space."
The most disappointing side to the accusations against
Iran is they're so lazy. Accusing them of secretly hiding
a weapons programme and aiding terrorists is so 2002.
Perhaps the Pentagon has a standard letter to send to all
countries they're preparing to attack, similar to the
sort you get from a bank - "Dear..., it has come to
our attention that on the ... you assisted al-Qa'ida and
hid some anthrax. You have left us no option ...."
Or maybe they're like a film-maker contracted to make a
sequel but who can't be bothered to think of any original
ideas. Most of the characters will stay the same but some
might change, so they may already be auditioning for
someone to take over the role of the amiable but
meaningless chief weapons inspector.
The genius of the current lies about Iran is they're
flowing while the almost identical set of lies told about
Iraq are still unravelling......Just like Amritsar, or
Derry, or Vietnam, the daily annoyance of foreign troops
stalking arrogantly through their neighbourhood has
provoked a response.
Millionaire
Mick appeared on the Newfoundland version of "Who
Wants To Be A Millionaire" and towards
the end of the program had already won $500,000.
"You've done very well so far," said the
show's presenter, "but for $1 million you've
only got one lifeline left - phone a friend. Everything
is riding on this question......will you go for
it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a
go!"
"OK. The question is: which of the following
birds does NOT build it's own nest?
(a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, (c) cuckoo, or (d) thrush."
"I haven't got a clue," said Mick,
"so I'll use my last lifeline and phone my
friend Gerry back home in Come-Bye-Chance."
Mick called up his mate, told him the
circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Fookin ell, Mick!" cried Gerry.
"Dat's just simple loogic......it's a
cuckoo."
"Are you sure, Paddy?" asked Mick.
"I'm fookin sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told the TV presenter,
"I'll go with cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked the
host.
"Dat it is, Sir."
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter
screamed, "Cuckoo" is the correct answer!
Mick, you've won $1 million!"
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to
buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in God's name did you
know it was the cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest? I
mean you know fook-all about birds."
"Fer fooks sake!" laughed Paddy.
"Everybody knows a fookin cuckoo lives in a
clock!"
A philosophy
professor demonstratively picked up an empty mayonnaise
jar, and having filled it with rocks, earnestly asked the
class if the jar were full......
They murmured their agreement indeed it was. The
philosopher then put in some pebbles and shook the jar.
The pebbles slipped down bwteen the spaces and deposited
themselves fittingly between the rocks. Asked a second
time if the jar were full, the class laughed at their
first mistake and agreed that now it was full. The
professor raised his bushy eyebrows, and with a doleful
look, picked up a bucket of sand and poured it into the
jar. “Now,” he expatiated, “I want you to
recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the
important things, your spouse, your children, your
health, your integrity, your conscience. If everything
else was lost and only they remained, your life would
still have fullness and meaning. The pebbles though
material matter less: house and car, professional honours
and social acclaim, fame and fortune. The sand is
everything else. If you put the sand into the jar first,
there will be no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The
same goes for your life. If you spend your energy on the
trivia of diversions and distractions and other ephemeral
delights, you’ll never have room for the things that
are critical to your happiness. So, play with your
children, take time to get medical checkups, take your
partner out dancing. Take care of the rocks first, the
rest is sand.” Just then, an Australian student
swaggered to the rostrum and taking the jar everyone had
agreed was full proceeded to pour into it a glass of
beer. The beer filled all of the remaining spaces, making
the jar for the first time truly full. “Which is the
greater full now?” he crowed. It just goes to show
that no matter how full your life there’s always
room for a beer.
(THANKS TO Tony Lee,
Raja Mattar and THE BEARS)
|
