FEBRUARY-MARCH 2008

TIRED DOG

    An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.  I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.



An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out

The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:

He lives in a home with ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep.

Can I come with him tomorrow?

.the pig
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George Bush and his driver were cruising along a country road one  night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bush told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bush sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

'What happened to you', asked Bush.

Driver said, 'Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his daughter made mad passionate love to me'.

'My God, what did you tell them', asks Bush.

The driver replied, 'I'm George Bush's driver, and I just killed the pig'.
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My Mum used to cut chicken, slice eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't get food poisoning.

My Mum used to defrost mince-meat on the kitchen sink AND I used to eat some raw sometimes, too.
Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper, in a brown paper bag, not in icepack coolers, but I can't remember anybody getting e.coli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the creek instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term mobile phone would have conjured up a moving phone, and a pager was the school loudhailer or PA system.

We all played sport, and also did PE, and risked permanent injury with a pair of sandshoes (only worn in the gym or the sports ground) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built-in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened, because they tell us how much safer we are now. Flunking sport was not an option, even for stupid kids! There were not many fat kids.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the National Anthem and got free school milk for strong bones and teeth, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.

What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything, and she could even give you an aspirin for a headache or fever.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself. I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah..and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the castle' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mum pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our hair ruffled and got told to get back out there! Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mum calls the Solicitor to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't misbehave at our mate's house either, because if we did, we got our bum smacked there, and then we got our bum belted again when we got home. I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front verandah, just before he fell off. Little did his Mum know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a yobbo.

It was a neighbourhood run amuck. We climbed trees, rolled down grassy slopes, made dams in the gutter, jumped into privit hedges.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a "dysfunctional family". How could we possibly have known that we needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T---- SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING.
V.Thomson.

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